Someone please carry me through

I find myself not being, me again. I've stopped listening to my oldies, my country and my "happy album". I've reverted back to my sad and triggering music.  I hate this feeling of desperation, loneliness, and hopelessness. These feelings are something i know all to well, but they still hurt like hell. You'd think by now i'd be used to getting rejected by people i love. Used to being pushed away and used to not being good enough and not being a priority. All I've ever wanted was for someone to want me just as much as i want them, to beg me to make the decision to finally be with them, to love them unconditionally and not have to worry about whether my hearts going to shatter again. But i'm starting to believe, that'll never happen and that i ask to much. That asking to be loved, is asking too much. That'll i'll never be worth it again. That no man will ever whisper in my ear how much he loves me. This is too much for me, i think my hearts broken for the last time...