Just cause you're breathing doesn't mean your're alive

It's funny, there were days before when i was pretty normal but i would still starve myself. But, when i'm depressed and as sad as i am right now, food and hunger disgusts me. I guess this is good for myself since i'm always criticizing how i look, a few skipped meals always helps. Is it bad when you look in the mirror and all you see are one flaw after another. When you can't look in the mirror and tell yourself truthfully that you're beautiful, and these flaws make you beautiful. All i see is a broken down, overweight, not tan enough, not pretty enough girl. The rush of not eating, it brings a sense of happiness. The only happiness i have right now. To feel skinny in hope i'll finally be good enough for someone. It will never matter how many times someone tells me i will never feel skinny and beautiful. Those days are long gone. I lost my confidence with the guy who took it. My happiness has been suppressed to relying on people to make me happy because i don't have the strength to do it on my own anymore. I'm just waiting for one more person to tell me i'm stupid, and not worth being alive. Cause i will take that as a sign and i will make there dreams come true.