Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Looking back...
Today are my senior portraits. Its weird cause im the photographer and im gunna be the one posing haha i hope i can. But looking back and thinking of this day its bittersweet. I wont be handing out photos to all my teachers or to all friends at school. Cause i dont have any of that. It really sucks. I really try hard to say im strong and dont miss high school but i do and i always knew from a long time ago i would miss high school but not because of these circumstances. Life fuckin sucks sometimes, but im not letting anything bring me down today. Im going to be feel like a beautiful skinny quirky girl today. Peace kimo sabe.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Got me thinking
Ronan << worth listening to, most touching song ever
Well if my boyfriends doing this again, i mine as well try too as well.
I know im not a mother but my heart is and honestly my love and prayers go out to every mother who's had to watch their child die. I can only imagine the pain that is and i pray i will never know of it. To hold the child you gave birth to in your arms and telling them goodbye and trying to not be sad and scared, trying to be brave for them. I just dont know how some mothers do it, you are brave women. Why God lets thing happen, nobodies really sure, but if theirs one thing I've learned as that everything really does happen for a reason. And if theirs something else i've learned is that Jesus isn't the ruler of this world, the devil is and im fully convinced thats why bad things happened and also just because we as humans sin and with sin comes consequences. But with that said God will never let something happen that we can't handle. I've learned many things over the years and through the trials i have to say there is something i still don't understand but i know someday i will and someday i will be able to use the things that caused me pain and desperation will be used for good and to help others who may be going through the same situation. Its not always easy, losing a loved one, having something or someone for that matter being taken away so soon or maybe just being dealt a wrong hand of cards but all in all i have faith that God will make it all right and sometimes i will admit it is really really hard for me to believe in God and believe he is their for me. But i have to do it. I always used to say (in my stubborn, "i dont care" years) that i made it out myself, the trials, i made it out on my own. But i do realize that i would've never made it out if it wasnt for the love God has for me and his children. Its a great love that can't be expressed. You know sometimes when i think about i realize i never really have cried to anyone about what happened to me, its really hard because its really really hard for me to believe God was there for me. But as i see it, God turns his head when he choose wrong, and i chose wrong that night. It hurts. But i know God was there, i do. I just havent fully trusted God with my life and i know someday i will have to do that. I know im a stubborn girl and eventually i will have to hand it all over and say "take the reigns". No matter what trials i go through i thank you for being there for me even when i thought you weren't.
Welp that was a jumbled mess, but whatever.
Well if my boyfriends doing this again, i mine as well try too as well.
I know im not a mother but my heart is and honestly my love and prayers go out to every mother who's had to watch their child die. I can only imagine the pain that is and i pray i will never know of it. To hold the child you gave birth to in your arms and telling them goodbye and trying to not be sad and scared, trying to be brave for them. I just dont know how some mothers do it, you are brave women. Why God lets thing happen, nobodies really sure, but if theirs one thing I've learned as that everything really does happen for a reason. And if theirs something else i've learned is that Jesus isn't the ruler of this world, the devil is and im fully convinced thats why bad things happened and also just because we as humans sin and with sin comes consequences. But with that said God will never let something happen that we can't handle. I've learned many things over the years and through the trials i have to say there is something i still don't understand but i know someday i will and someday i will be able to use the things that caused me pain and desperation will be used for good and to help others who may be going through the same situation. Its not always easy, losing a loved one, having something or someone for that matter being taken away so soon or maybe just being dealt a wrong hand of cards but all in all i have faith that God will make it all right and sometimes i will admit it is really really hard for me to believe in God and believe he is their for me. But i have to do it. I always used to say (in my stubborn, "i dont care" years) that i made it out myself, the trials, i made it out on my own. But i do realize that i would've never made it out if it wasnt for the love God has for me and his children. Its a great love that can't be expressed. You know sometimes when i think about i realize i never really have cried to anyone about what happened to me, its really hard because its really really hard for me to believe God was there for me. But as i see it, God turns his head when he choose wrong, and i chose wrong that night. It hurts. But i know God was there, i do. I just havent fully trusted God with my life and i know someday i will have to do that. I know im a stubborn girl and eventually i will have to hand it all over and say "take the reigns". No matter what trials i go through i thank you for being there for me even when i thought you weren't.
Welp that was a jumbled mess, but whatever.
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