Fuck love

I'm done giving my heart to people who never want it. They NEVER want it. I'm willing to love someone with every ounce of my body, but they don't want it. Hello depression, goodbye happiness. Hello cuts and bruises, goodbye kisses and hugs. No one ever wants to love me, all that bullshit talk is starting to sound familiar. Where the "i'm good enough and the i'm beautiful" seems so true, until you don't choose me. Than i know it was a lie. People wonder why i have such a trust issue and why i never believe people, that's why. No one's ever proven themselves right. I'm sick of crying these tears of pain and desperation. It's funny, i give piles of advice to people, but i can never find someone who wants to love me. Maybe i did deserve the bad in life. Maybe that's what my love life is supposed to be, while everyone else smiles and laughs around me i'm stuck dying inside. Maybe i threw away the only love i was supposed to have away. Or maybe just maybe, i'm supposed to wander this life alone, forever. Those moments when you step into the shower and you give yourself a pep talk "You will not cry today, you're fine." but it all comes pouring down with the last word and you drop to your knees crying and begging to be taken away from this place. No one knows my pain, no one sees it. I can smile a thousand smiles, fake every laugh and join in conversation but no one would know that when i go come, i put on my saddest playlist, wear some bulky clothes so i dont have to see my disgusting body and i end up just crying myself to sleep. NO ONE knows my pain.