Don't go breakin' my heart

I have to say some of my biggest fears are ghosts, the dark, and a gory death but most of all, the thing that scares me most...Is that no one will ever love me. That no one will ever choose to spend the rest of their life with me. That all those haunting memories that i wasn't good enough will come back and beat me up and tell me once again I'm just not good enough and i never will be, that there's nothing i can do to deserve a man's love. I feel like its not too much to ask, for someone to love me. But than again maybe i'm wrong, maybe i'm to complicated and too broken to be loved. Who really knows what love is anyway? To me it's different than your opinion of love and im sure of societies. I think when you're in love you just know, there's not really a way to explain it but you just know. I do believe everyone deserves to be loved, as i said previously, but what if im wrong? What if people like me don't deserve it or we are meant for a greater purpose or we are just supposed to be that one family member who could never find someone who wanted to be their all. I often wonder if he was right...That no one could love me. No one could find it in them to give me all the love and joy i wanted. That i wasn't good enough and i didn't deserve to be treated that well... sometimes i wonder if that's why i settled with him for months during the end of our relationship. Because i believed him, i believed i would never find someone better. I won't lie though, i thoroughly believe every guy is lying to me when they tell me sweet, kind and nice things to me. It was burnt into my mind that i wasn't good enough, that i was fat and ugly and uncapable of being loved. It is very hard for me to let guys in, it may take weeks for me to believe them, maybe months. But when i stick around and think you're worth it, please, please believe me. I don't stick around for just any guy, i am so afraid of being heartbroken again. So its very hard for me to even talk to guys, your lucky if i reply to a message for pure fear that you'll just lie to me and hurt me even if those aren't your intentions. And when i say "you mean the world to me" you best know i'm falling damn hard for you, if im not in love with you already and that my heart will get broken no matter how much i tell you to not worry about me. Love is so very important to me, i will do anything to please the man that has my 'heart' i refuse to let him leave me and have him say it was my fault. I won't lie i will still always think if a guy i love leaves me, i will always think its my fault. Cause ill go back to what i said before, maybe i'm just not good enough for someone and maybe im not meant to be loved. Who knows, honestly. All i know is that i would give up and pick up anything for someone i loved, but it seems no ones every willing to do that for me...but maybe its just the way its supposed to be...