I try to trust

I try to trust God with my health. I don't like going to the doctors, being on medicine because i feel like God will heal everything. But I've been putting it off too long. My anxiety today was just over the top. The worst part is there is nothing i can do about. Nothing makes me feel better. I get so overwhelmed. I will be fine for days, sometime weeks and then all the sudden one day i will just start thinking about all the troubles in my life, the problems, the stresses or the issues i need to deal with.

My heart beats fast, i feel nauseous, my mind is just running a thousand miles an hour and my hands will slightly shake. I just couldn't stop thinking about all the schoolwork i need to do, all the money i need, my relationship problems, my friends or the friends i don't have, work, and i get so sad knowing that nothing helps these feelings. I feel alone in it, i don't like complaining to people and what its worth i feel like no one really cares and no one understands. People say well just calm down and relax, i can't. I've tried, believe me, I've tried. I feel abandoned when it happens. I slept for 12 hours tonight/today trying to just run away from it. I just really wish i had someone to comfort me and talk things through with. I don't have friends i truly trust or that understand. I don't have someone I love to talk to and i almost always refuse to talk to my parents/sisters about my problems. I don't need them worrying or sad about me.

I just really hate not having anyone who understands me. No one who sees me or tries to get me. I have such a loving heart but no one sees the pain i hide some days.  I just wish someone would see past my smile im putting on and the scream im hiding.

Dear God,
Please make me strong when i have no hope. Please give me love when i feel like i have none and give me eyes to see past the troubles of what im facing right now.

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31