No one can erase these memories

For some odd reason i just feel like crying. I feel like its been awhile and for some reason i can't sway myself away from the slow music that brings memories rushing back. Memories of the lonely nights, the sorrow... the pain. The nights where'd jolt out of my sleep because i was having a nightmare or i thought someone was in my room. The nights where i didn't sleep at all or i had to cry myself to sleep because i was so scared someone was going to come back and hurt me... again. Do you know what its like when some of your closest friends, just take something from you. They don't even ask, they just assume. I'm not just talking about a pencil, i'm talking about something that was once one of the most precious things in the world to a young christian girl. Yes, i admit sex wasn't that precious to me at one point in my life and i'll admit i still think its something sacred but it sucks when your friends just take the freedom from you. December 31, will be a year. I'm still sad about it. They say its something you'll never forget, i never used to believe them. But i do now. I used to close my eyes and hope that when i opened them I'd either be dead or i wouldn't have a recollection of that night. I don't care what anybody says no one deserves to be raped, no matter what situation, no matter what circumstances, no one deserves that life long memory and pain. To this day it hurts me to say the word rape and i used to so openly joke about. Days can go buy without my feeling a thing but there's always something that triggers these feelings and honestly tonight i'm not sure what it is. I just feel alone and unsure about life.. And its getting to me.